How Often Have You Said or Thought These Words?
Perhaps it isn’t these exact words all the time. It could be “How come this (always) happens to me?” “Why do these kinds of things happen to me?”
We all have things that go wrong. We have struggles that make us feel like we are the only one struggling. We deal with things that are harder than we believe they should be.
Here’s the deal. We cannot change whatever happens once it’s happened. We can however, change the way we look at it. Asking why me is disempowering. It makes you feel like you have no control. But you do. In what you do next. You don’t want to go into what you do next feeling disempowered. In fact, feeling disempowered will greatly slow down how fast you move forward. It’s similar to the idea that the more you are focusing on a problem the longer it takes you to solve it. You have to start thinking solution as quickly as possible.
You Can Solve a Problem with a Good Attitude or a Lousy Attitude. It’s Your Choice.
Although, I will add, that it sure does seem to me that problems get solved faster when the attitude is good. Maybe that’s just me.
Anyway, anyone who is being authentic, has to acknowledge they feel the why me thing sometimes. And many feel it often. I used to feel it a lot, but I rarely do anymore. I’ve learned to deal, and hopefully what comes next here will help you deal better too.
Let’s look at some of the common areas where this arises, and I’ll give you some perspective to consider that has been helpful for me.
Major Life Events
We all go through them, and I’m not talking about the ones that we see as wonderful. After all, people don’t generally say why does this have to happen to me when they have a baby or when they get married or if they have a financial windfall of some sort.
They say it when something that is perceived as bad happens. Losing a job, going out of business, a car accident, a hurricane smashes your house, and I’m sure you could add any number of things to the list.
This is part of life. No one gets a pass. Everyone has things happen that they wish did not…in the moment. And this is where it can get interesting from a perspective standpoint.
It has been my experience, that every one of these kinds of events has had some kind of significant positive impact in my life. In the 3 Circles Living book, I share some of these and how they led to much better things in my life, than I believe would have happened otherwise.
Sure, in the moment there is an emotional devastation. Especially the first few major events. But when you zoom out, you see that lost job, that broken relationship, that home damage, had an equally powerful positive benefit over time (my wife Melanie refers to these as “silver linings”). This is practically speaking and a generality, but it is quite true. The other thing that happens is you become more resilient and bounce back faster and faster. I’ve had multiple events in my career where the majority of my income went away overnight. By the time I reached the ones that were later in life, I was able to shake it off and roll forward pretty fast.
These are the things that happen over and over. They can be just about you or they can be with other people. There’s no way to sugarcoat this to make this easier to swallow. Either way, the issue is in the mirror. You are letting this happen. If someone is mistreating you consistently, they sure seem like the problem, but you are allowing it. If you are getting sick on a regular basis, you are allowing this to happen. You could probably, and I encourage you to do so, list several things in all areas of your life that you dislike that continue to be an issue.
The old adage that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, is pretty relevant here.
You have to stop the madness. It’s not just affecting you. These kinds of consistent irritations affect your entire attitude and outlook on life, which means it’s impacting many of the people you touch in your life.
You have to ask yourself some hard questions. What do you need to learn? What do you need to confront? What do you need to eliminate? What information are you missing? What skill are you missing?
I call these trigger questions. I ask myself trigger questions all the time. Your brain likes questions. It goes to work to figure out answers.
The Bottom Line is That Your Journey is Unique.
No one else has ever walked in your exact shoes, and no one ever will. You have to learn that everything you go through is for your benefit in some way, regardless of how hard it is in the moment.
Tony Robbins says that “your life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.” Meaning, it all shapes you and grows you.
I believe this perspective, and I also see it another layer. I believe that your life happens for you, for the GREATER GOOD.
I believe everyone, you included, has a role to play in this life. I believe the reason we are all different is that we are supposed to bring our unique set of gifts and talents and affinities to serve others in their journey. This is how we contribute in life. This is why you will hear me say over and over that we are not on this earth to “fit in.”
We are here to “fit together.”
You cannot be your highest self without walking through some fires and being pruned by life.
The next time you start to think why me? Think instead, why not me? And then start trying to figure out how this is going to serve you and others going forward. It won’t take the short-term sting away, but it will sure help you recognize there are lots bigger reasons for everything.
I hope this is as helpful for you as it has been for me over the years.
Many Blessings, Todd
P.S. If you are in need of coaching or training for your organization, reach out to me.
P.S.S. The first order of priority in 3 Circles Living is physical health. A key aspect of this is complementing your diet with the best quality nutritional supplements you can find. If you would like to order the best, at wholesale prices, check out my 3 Circles Living online shop. If you have any questions or would like to address specific areas of need, shoot me an email and I’m happy to help. This has been an essential part of my health journey for 27 years and I’ve helped lots of folks along the way.