What Keeps You from Living the Life You Truly Want?
This is a serious “can of worms question.” If, in fact, you are not living the life you want or making progress towards the life you want, the first part of the answer here is simply, that you haven’t actually taken the time to figure out what exactly IS the life you want? (by the way, if you ARE, living the life you want, then this article may not be relevant for you…but I bet it is for most people you know!)
After all, if you don’t know what you want and why you want it, there’s no how-to-manual on the planet that is going to help you. You simply have to know why and what first.
I can tell you from experience, I know how to figure it out, and I know how to do it, and I know why it matters. I’m no better than anyone else in this world, I have strengths and weaknesses just like you, and have had my own set of internal and external struggles just like you.
Now, having said all that, knowing what, and why, and how, still won’t take you there if you don’t deal with ONE single issue.
Your belief that you are worthy of accomplishing the life you want.
This is the 800-pound gorilla that sits right on top of everyone’s dreams.
Having Personally Worked with Via Coaching, Mentoring, and Training, Many Thousands of People…
I can tell you without a single doubt, that not believing yourself to be worthy or deserving of a better life is the thing that keeps you down, if in fact you are not making progress.
I have watched this play out over and over and over. Good people, with good hearts, who simply can’t accept that they could be, do, and have more. I’ve watched them not start something they could have easily done, I watched them get started, begin to have success and then stop, and I’ve watched them start, put in the work, have success, and then tear it all down themselves.
All because they never addressed this single thing.
What Causes This and How Do You Get Past It?
I’m a coach/mentor, not a counselor. I know that this is a deep emotional/psychological issue, that if you really want to be free from it, will require more than a coach. I know this deeply, because I have never gotten past my low self-worth issues. They are part of me. However, it has not stopped me from accomplishing and living the life I want. I have accepted that the feeling of low worth is simply part of me, but the reality of it all is that it’s NOT TRUE.
Your feeling of low worth and not being deserving is a LIE.
Yes, you are telling yourself that in all the ways you do so, but this is something you have adopted, not something that is a natural part of you. The influences of your upbringing (and there are many to consider) planted this lie in you. The influences and messaging of the world around you FEED the lie, showing you proof everyday of why you are not good enough to do any better.
Lies, lies lies.
Now, let’s clarify one thing. If you want things to be better…financially, physically, in your relationships, etc. and you don’t put in some serious effort? THEN you don’t deserve to do better.
The work and effort is the only true life indicator of what you might deserve. The rest is not actually relevant because it’s fiction.
Here’s another way to look at it…your past/history has ZERO to do with how your future works out unless you do the same things you did in your past. Case in point, yours truly. Up to age 28 roughly, I could not imagine being worthy of anything of value. So, I acted on this belief and guess what I accomplished? Pretty easy to guess…not much.
I went to work on myself, recognized the lie, took practical steps towards defining the life I wanted, and then took the practical steps to achieve it, all in the face of the LIE I was telling myself everyday…”it can never happen for me” “Things don’t work out for me” “I’m not good enough at…” “I’m not smart enough to…” “I’m not like this person or that person who can do it” and on and on.
How to Get the Life You Want Even If You Feel This Way
Step one: Consider this: If you COULD have the life you want, what exactly would it look like? When you consider this question think about it in the 3 Circles context. The bigger overarching picture. Where would you live, what would you be doing, who will you be doing it with, and how healthy will you be? You will have to ignore the inner voice as you do this, and just do it. This is essentially the why of it all, because the deeper stuff around this, what is called the intrinsic motivators are the real power for the action needed.
Step two: What will you need to bring this to fruition? Obviously, you will need time. Not just allocation of time in the now to do the things you’ll need to do, but time over your life. It took me about seven years to get to the first stage of realization of this “life you want goal” and two more decades to fully actualize to the point where I live exactly the life I want. You cannot microwave the life you want; you sequentially build it. You will also likely need financial resources. Will your current career trajectory take you there? Or do you need to add another income stream, or change career course entirely? And don’t get too hung up on risk…the worst kind of risk is following a path that will NOT lead you to where you want. It’s well worth it to fail a few times as you figure it out.
Step three: Begin immediately working on yourself. Take better care of your health and begin the personal and professional development that helps you become a better, higher, stronger version of you, since you are the single best asset you have, and you are not missing anything you need, despite the lies you may have been telling yourself. Working on yourself, also does something else super important: it shows YOU that YOU are worth working on. Again, from personal experience, I can tell you this doesn’t make the undeserving voice go away, but it does make it a LOT quieter.
Step four: Identify the processes in each part of your quest that will take you to the end goal. There are processes for anything you want to do. Health, business, relationships, etc. Processes are just a series of steps to repeat over and over.
Step Five: Prioritize and do the process each day. At least five days a week. Nothing outside of a true emergency should ever get in the way. The process is not optional. It has nothing to do with how you are feeling emotionally. You just do it. Even if you do it poorly. The more you do whatever it is, the better you’ll get and over time, the compounding effect of the learning and the results will take you to higher and higher levels as a baseline. At some point, your worst days in the future will be better than your best days now.
You can achieve and deserve, the life you want. These steps will take you there. It will take a lot of effort and there will be plenty of days you struggle. But I want you to be able to wake up in the morning in the future, like I do, and be able to say from deep in your heart each morning, thank you God for this life.
We have no idea how long we get on this planet. To accept anything less than living the life you want, doesn’t make any sense at all. And the last nugget is this: Just moving towards this, will change your state of life right now. You will feel different, more alive, and more engaged in all corners of your life.
I hope you took this to heart, because it will definitely help you.
Many Blessings, Todd
P.S. If you are in need of coaching or training for your organization, reach out to me.
P.S.S. Want to detox, rid yourself of extra body fat, and rachet up your health in a 21-day window? If that sounds at all appealing, shoot me an email and I’ll share a very unique and effective program that has been massively successful in Europe over the past seven years. I’ll send you a program guide that will allow you to learn the details, and a link where you can move forward if you choose to. As an aside, this program will require some discipline:-) but it’s a lot easier than what I do every day of my life!