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Do You Want to Take Your Relationship Development Skills to a New Level?

Then you first have to recognize that few things impact the development of rapport, and relationship, faster than how you communicate with someone.

Listening, asking good questions, and a basic understanding of body language, are all skills that we can develop with study and practice. Empathic communication, which is the ultimate superpower of interpersonal communication, cannot even be remotely done well without the first core skills I mentioned being mastered to some degree. Regardless of how much empathy you may have.

We have to proactive about this, because we are not educated on these things formally as a general rule.

In fact, most people are not even aware that they are highly unskilled in these. Instead, they interpret the awkwardness and emotions of not knowing how in the moment, as reflections on them as a person. This leads to limiting beliefs and all the unfortunate things that progress from a limiting belief.

Especially one that is patently false.

You are a statistical outlier if you are born with great interpersonal skills. Most of us have to work at it. It doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert. Every trait of your personality is both a blessing and a curse if you are not personally developed.

That is solely our own responsibility.

Anyway, here is a simple hack that can help you, even before you become skilled.

Humble Curiosity.

Humble. The older we get the more keenly aware we become of how little we actually know. Especially when it comes to others and what they are dealing with.

Without recognition of this, we are quick to speak based on our assumptions. And what do our assumptions reflect? What we THINK we know.

We cannot change the fact that we make assumptions. This is a natural, and useful way, that our brain works. We CAN change how we respond to our own assumptions.

Our assumption about any specific input we get, is limited by many factors. Our lens in life, our experiences, our current situation, our knowledge, and this list goes on. Assumption is like a perspective. Most everything in life can be looked at from many perspectives. Our current perspective is only one of those.

So, how this comes into play in an interpersonal connection in the moment, is that we must have the humility to recognize we don’t know much at the moment, and we aren’t going to learn anything else, with our mouth open. We need to listen.

Curiosity

From the mindset of humility, we are now free to be curious about what is actually going on.

Instead of coming from a position of judgement based on our assumptions, we can listen intently, and ask appropriate questions to fully understand what the person is saying, and further, what it truly means to them.

Curiosity may have “killed the cat” but it will more often than not save you and me, when it comes to communicating with people.

Curiosity means opening your mind to new information, considering how you can learn in the moment, and how you can understand better.

This is going to require you to set aside anything you want to say for a bit. In fact, what you want to say at first brush, will likely be irrelevant quickly the further you go.

Since you are naturally going to WANT to say it, which would lead to making the discussion about what you want to say, as opposed to what matters to them, instead of interrupting…take a breath, pause, consider, and then ask a question for clarity.

The biggest thing this approach does, is to show the person you are speaking with that you genuinely want to understand, which creates a deepening of trust.

Relationships are based on trust. The deeper the trust, the stronger the relationship. 3 Circles Living has several nuggets to help you in this area.

For a little help with improving your listening skills, here’s something for you.

There are several articles in this site on listening, search them if you need more on the topic.

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Many Blessings, Todd

P.S. When you feel better, you do better. If you want to take your physical and mental well-being to an entirely new level, check out my new Wellness page: Wellness – Todd Burrier


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